The Preacher And The ??????

There is a town In Illinois
That has made history
Since the indians left it high and dry,
But left the name "Pawnee".
It's citizens don't vary much
From other towns it's size.
Yet, there are diff'rences I've found;
More than you'd realize.

Were I to tell all that I know,
Or write it in a book;
The people there would rise enmasse.
Call me "a lyin' crook".
Once on a time there was a man
Who lived there in that town -
On second thought, I'd best keep still.
He was of fair renown.

A woman that once lived down there;
Now this will curl your hair
A real good-looker, that she was,
Almost beyond compare.
One time the gossip fairly sizzled,
And put nice folks to route.
And what was it that stirred things up?
Folks never quite found out.

Now one young man to Springfield came,
He's lived here quite a while.
Industrious and honest too;
He hasn't made his pile,
But he is going right along
And someday he'll arrive:
For hosts of friends are pulling hard.
He has good sense and drive.

But one thing really has his goat;
He deals in Real Estate
And one sad day he got hooked up
(When he hadn't shut the gate)
With a guy who preaches some I b'lieve
And feels he's qualified
To juggle figures, likewise facts,
And other things beside.

Now poor Burdette, fit to be tied,
And really hard he's hit;
In a confused state does not know whether
To wind his watch or spit.
Just fifteen people he doesn't like,
Can't stand folks low and mean.
In confidence, "This preacher man
Is the whole darned Fifteen."

Now there's a moral to be learned,
Perhaps it's dawned upon you.
"Don't handle anything unclean,
You're apt to get it on you".

H. B. Austin